Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker
Bonnie Eaker Weil
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
From an acclaimed couples therapist?the first book ever to address the financial power struggles in relationships
Money?not sexual adultery?is the #1 problem in relationships. According to Dr. Bonnie, one of the nation?s leading couples therapists, ?nearly one-third of adults in committed relationships admit to lying to their partner about spending habits.? Secret credit cards, binge shopping, revenge spending, and POPs (pissed off purchases) are just a few examples of how financial infidelity undermines trust and harms a relationship.
With clarity and compassion, Dr. Bonnie?who has a near one hundred percent success rate in counseling couples? helps readers recognize their hidden financial indiscretions, reconnect with their partners, and recover the trust and intimacy in their relationships.
says: “I don’t mind paying; I want to go to the kinds of places I’m accustomed to.” What she may mean: “In the long term, will I be able to respect someone who cannot afford or does not choose the same standard of living as I do?” The Smart Heart reply: “I’m perfectly comfortable if you want to pay whenever you choose the place. And I’d like to be able to take you out sometimes, if you’re willing to go to the places that I can afford. When I’m making more money, I’d love to spoil you by taking
of the financial infidelity in my first marriage, I made sure to use Smart Heart dialogue when talking about finances and money with Jeff. I found that we shared an inherited attitude toward money and that while Jeff’s mother was frugal (unlike my mother, but very much like my maternal grandmother), his father and my father shared very similar money dialogues. Because Jeff and I understand our family legacy around money, we were able to work toward a conscious money marriage. Your Family
things loose and “up in the air”? 7. Do you encourage input on managing your finances, but then disregard the advice? 8. Do you assume your financial future will “take care of itself”? 9. Are you a workaholic? 10. Do you make unilateral decisions about finances? 11. Do you have an attitude, moan, or sigh when asked for money? 12. Do you feel suffocated in relationships? 13. Do you feel it’s important to have your own bank accounts and credit cards? 14. Do your parents tell you
loss and emptiness. If you feel like your relationship is already on the verge of ending, a Brush with Death may be the shock you need to wake up, and shake things up, and initiate positive change. Jimmy was at his wit’s end. He had stormed out on his wife, Carlotta, and their three children after his wife’s last shopping binge depleted their joint savings account of over twenty thousand dollars. A hardworking construction foreman, Jimmy felt his wife was consciously sabotaging his efforts to
negative emotions to spread, think of literally catching your partner’s anger or anxiety in a box and closing the lid on it. Your partner can vent, but you do not react to the emotion behind the words. Use “attachment skills” (page 227) to defuse tense deliberations and stimulate the bonding hormone oxytocin. After money talks, be sure to reverse the flow of negative energy (a biochemical release of stress hormones) by using high-energy playdates (page 233). 4. Mind-Read—the Right Way When