Get Thee to a Punnery: An Anthology of Intentional Assaults Upon the English Language
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Get Thee to a Punnery proves that the pun is mightier than the sword . . . and here are sidesplitting puns of every color, stripe and persuasion to suit every whim. Even if you don't know that your humerus is your funny bone, this is the book for you.
If the pun is a good one, the groan usually signifies a kind of suppressed admiration for the verbal acrobatics on display, and perhaps a hidden envy. Edgar Allan Poe (of all people) neatly (and ravenously?) summed up the situation when he wrote, with all his tell-tale heart. “Of puns it has been said that those most dislike who are least able to utter them.” Almost a century later, Henry Fowler, in his Dictionary of Modem English Usage, expanded on Poe’s insight: “The assumption that puns are
authenticated, was spoken by the great man in 1879, when he was conducting a service and announced a hymn as “Kinkering Kongs Their Titles Take.” Other switches attributed to Spooner, most of them spuriously, include:• Three cheers for our queer old dean! (referring to Queen Victoria) • Is it kisstomary to cuss the bride? • The Lord is a shoving leopard. • A blushing crow. • A well-boiled icicle. • You were fighting a liar in the quadrangle. • Is the bean dizzy? • Someone is
to transpose whole words:• Time wounds all heels.—Groucho Marx • Television: A set of tireless tubes. • Hangover: The wrath of grapes. • Snuff salesman: One who sticks his business in other people’s noses. • Budgie: Mother’s whistler. • Olympic officials: The souls that time men’s tries. • Alimony: The bounty of mutiny. • It’s not the men in your life that count—it’s the life in your men.—Mae West • One frog to another: Time’s fun when you’re having flies. • Ecologists
44. hole 45. smoting 46. threw 47. amnesia 48. habit 49. hippo 50. mare 51. buoy 52. linoleum 53. pucker 54. hoe, hoe, hoe 55. rhyme 56. marmalade 57, towed 58. baited 59. saucers 60. leaving 61. cremated 62. Euripides 63. Eumenides 64. line 65. sheikh 66. Omar Khayyam 67. Juvenal 68. inhibited 69. heir 70. Abyssinia 71. marooned 72. Udder 73. meter 74. toot 75. Cairo 76. see 77. medication 78. pane 79. concrete 80. icicle 81. weenie 82. Dublin 83. sales 84. Mallard 85. peanuts 86. Abel;
On an antique shop: Den of __________. 4. At a tire store: We_____________you not. 5. At a planetarium: Cast of thousands. Every one a _________________. 6. On a church bulletin board: This church is ______________conditioned. 7. In front of another church: Come in and get your ____________lifted. 8. In a tailor shop: We’ll clean you, We’ll press you. We’ll even _________________ for you. 9. Outside an optician’s shop: ____________________for sore eyes. 10. On a newly seeded