How to Marry a Finnish Girl - Everything You Want to Know about Finland, that Finns Won't Tell You
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Get the straight story on surviving and thriving in the delightful land of a thousand lakes, and most importantly, learn how to catch and keep that special lady. HOW TO MARRY A FINNISH GIRL: Everything You Want to Know about Finland that Finns Won’t Tell You is a must have for anyone considering a trip up North. Inside you’ll learn:
- How to Chat Up a Finnish Girl
- How to Identify a Finn on Holiday
- How to Build Your Own House Like a Real Finnish Man
- Why Toddlers Speak Finnish Better Than You
- And More!
Phil Schwarzmann is an American living in Finland, where he works for a large Finnish mobile phone manufacturer, authors the popular blog “Finland for Thought”, and performs stand-up comedy. He is generally considered a nice guy. This is his first book.
BE FINNISH: If you’re a foreigner in Finland and thinking of impressing your friends back home with dual-citizenship...wait until your thirtieth birthday—then you don’t need to join the army. It’ll take you until you’re thirty-years-old anyway to learn Finnish and pass the citizenship exam anyway. FLEE THE COUNTRY: Definitely the longest alternative. Some have chosen to flee the country for several years hoping that their prison sentence will have expired upon their return. Flee somewhere
classic job for foreigners, especially if you’re Indian. You can come in by ten, leave at three, wear your pajamas, do nothing but surf the internet, and make a respectable salary. Best of all, your mother will tell all her friends that you “work with computers”! AU PAIR: For cute, immature girls only. They’ll do laundry for some upper-class suburban family to be close to their internet love Mika. They’ll learn Swedish rather quickly and learn a lot about Finnish daytime television. And
know their language is hard. After a few months in the country, you can reply, “Moi!” and everyone will laugh. After a year in the country, you can reply, “Hyvin menee!” and everyone will be so proud. After about eight years and a daily reminder about how bad your Finnish is, you can reply honestly: “It’s not going well. I hate Finnish. It’s completely useless. It sounds worse than fingernails across a chalkboard. If AIDS had a sound, it would sound like Finnish. Stephen Hawking has a sexier
to listen closely to strangers’ conversations, then share those conversations on Internet forums hours later. DON’T USE YOUR HANDS: This is Northern, not Southern, Europe—keep your hands to your sides. Any sort of hand gesture will show that you’re lying and cannot be trusted. Besides even if you wanted to flail your arms, you can’t, they’re too stiff from the cold weather. DON’T USE INTONATION: Emotionless and cold as a Finnish winter, your voice should remain monotone like an Isaac
taxes, mämmi, drinking habits, the KKK-Market, long winters, Danny, and of course, Finnish women. How to Marry a Finnish Girl respectfully ignores any unwritten rules and taboos placed upon foreigners. Those who were expecting yet another brouhaha book about Finland will be disappointed. Though this book is full of stereotypes, generalizations, over simplifications, cynicism, exaggerations, and outright lies—Finns are, above all, honest, self-depreciative, and have the best sense of humor in the