Into Hot Air: Another "Novel" by Chris Elliott
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From Emmy]-winning comedian and bestselling author Elliott comes a brilliantly funny and original comic spoof that takes on the classic survival adventures. Everest-bound celebrities endure hurricane-force winds, blinding blizzards, one guys insufferable off-key singing, and more.
16484-IntoHotAir 11/2/07 11:32 AM Page i 16484-IntoHotAir 11/2/07 11:32 AM Page ii 16484-IntoHotAir 11/2/07 11:32 AM Page iii MOUNTING MOUNT EVEREST CHRIS ELLIOTT Illustrations by Amy Elliott Andersen 16484-IntoHotAir 11/2/07 11:32 AM Page iv Map copyright © 1997 by Anita Karl with additional illustrations by Amy Elliott Anderson Copyright © 2007 Chris Elliott All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the written
his head down. In fact, he was looking a lot less cranky than usual. In fact— “Oh, it’s just you,” I groaned. “Martin, what the hell is this all about?” Lauren demanded. “You should address him as ‘Mr. President,’” said a bored-looking kid. “Oh, for Christ’s sakes, I’m not going to pretend he’s the damn president. That was a TV show! This is the real world!” The kid leaned over to Lauren and whispered, “Come on, please? I really need this job.” Lauren sighed. “Oh, fine. Lovely to see you again,
her tears, Grammy said, “Oh, I cut this out of the Pennysaver for you.” She pulled a clipping from her apron. “ ‘Mountain Maniacs,’ ” I read. “ ‘Come and get your Ya Yas off in the Himalay . . . yas.’ ” “Classy,” said Gramps, pulling on his suspenders as I read on: If you dream of exciting exploration . . . One of our trained professionals will be happy to guide you and your friends up Mt. Everest—the tallest mountain in the world, in case you haven’t heard. There you can stand at the apex of our
bicycle pump, rat poison, and a box of six-penny galvanized nails. Everything you need.” I mused out loud, “Do you ’spose it’s very much like Brooklyn? Mount Everest, I mean.” My grandparents rolled their eyes behind my back. (You may be wondering how I knew that since it was . . . behind my back. Well, their dry old eyeballs make a very specific sound when they roll. It kind of sounds like someone whispering, “Our grandson’s an idiot.”) As I gazed through the greasy window to the bustling street
does this crazy rompus have?” 16484-IntoHotAir 11/2/07 11:32 AM 182 Page 182 Chris Elliott “Well, some people believe that it has power over life and death,” she said weirdly, staring at the burning embers. Suddenly our attention was drawn to a loud brouhaha on the other side of camp. “I didn’t mean it, sweeties! I was just thinkings out louds, that’s all!” Tony was following Kirsten out of the “lovers’ hideaway” tent. “You’re sick in the head!” she shouted. “Don’t talk to me anymore!