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After one particularly bad day at work, marketing executive and confirmed city girl Melanie Jones decides to give up her old life in search of something new and simpler in South West France. With little knowledge of the country, even less of the language and just the memory of a disastrous school French exchange and a few day trips to Calais, she embarks on her adventure with a suitcase full of optimism and not a little bit of naivety. After all, how different can life in France be?
After a series of adventures with skirt-ripping tractors, handsome twin farmers, celebrity not-quite-beens, unusual toilets and a bonkers expat community, all topped up, of course, with lashings of rosé, Melanie begins to discover that her new life in France isn’t quite what she’d thought it would be
helped myself to a glass of ice-cold rosé and went outside to sit by the pool and consider my future. France certainly wasn’t what I had imagined. I realised how wrong I had been to think it would be just like home but in a different language. Maybe I’d been stupid to think that it was that easy just to take off and start a new life somewhere else. I hadn’t planned it, the spontaneity of my decision making me feel a bit like a modern day adventurer, but even I had to admit that the secret to any
time the Belgian’s done it but they still let him trade.’ ‘Bloody hell. Poor sods.’ 147 L'Amour Actually_INSIDES.indd 147 24/04/2013 17:22:52 MELANIE JONES ‘They lost their life savings apparently.’ ‘You’ve got to see the funny side though,’ said Tracey, snorting champagne. ‘Oh, you would.’ ‘Seriously though, do yourself a favour and go round and see Julien. Much as I enjoy your company, at the moment you make Posh Spice look like the Laughing Policeman.’ ‘D’you think?’ ‘Oh for God’s sake,
of us hadn’t even been born when the film came out. Our other favourite was Sing-along-a Sound of Music, but I was prepared to concede that, even if I did have a convenient nun’s habit lying around, it would probably be a bit too weird. But 9½ Weeks, now that was a classic seduction scene and all I needed was a chair and Tom Jones singing ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On’. On second thoughts, the chair was a bad idea bearing in mind the problems I was already having with co-ordination. I’d have to
my shoulder on the last Tube home. I was even missing Zane and his lecherous comments and developing a nostalgic fondness for Shitty Kitty. I looked down at my feet, which seemed to be spreading now I spent my life in flip-flops, saw the chipped nail varnish on my toes, and longed for a new pair of shoes. You could take the girl out of Louboutins but it seemed you couldn’t take Louboutins out of the girl. Draining the rest of my drink, I took the empty glasses back to the kitchen. As I washed
furnishings. Another door at the other end of the lounge led me into an empty room. The cottage was, it seemed, completely bare. Not a stick of furniture anywhere. ‘Bon,’ said Julien, ‘I must go to help with Gérard’s car.’ I thanked him profusely. ‘Maybe I’ll see you soon?’ I said. ‘Yes, maybe, now that we are neighbours.’ He winked at me, then turned and with a cheery wave stepped out into the honey-coloured sunlight leaving me wondering whether that was a promise of things to come or just my