My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Handler chronicles what can happen to one very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion-- repeated over and over with lots and lots of men.
good. I opened the door and strolled out. "There she is! Hi, love, what's cookin'?" My dad was in a good mood, and I wanted it to stay that way. "What are you doing home?" I asked sleepily, as if I wasn't totally awake and alert. "We met a couple up at the Vineyard who need a car for their son. He's going off to college. I told them I was a car dealer and they want to buy a car. I'm bringing one back up for them. That neat little Civic we've got out in the driveway." He said this as if I
he definitely wasn't home separating ions in his spare time. I had met him at a bachelorette party, thrilled to encounter my first male hooker. I had strolled the Hollywood strip many a weekend night looking for a soul mate but never found anyone who actually resembled a man. Ed felt bad after what happened with Lily, so when I called him about Dumb Dumb, he told me he'd throw in a little extra. I didn't quite know what that implied but hoped it meant anal. To set up the rendezvous, I took Dumb
right—very sexy. He reminded me of a friendly Richard Gere. Really warm. He flashed me a wide, genuine smile revealing a good bedside manner. I hoped this led to a good bedroom manner. I liked him instantly. Ivory should be a matchmaker. I had my legs crossed and I was leaning up on my elbows. I looked like I was posing for Playboy. "You are Miss . . ." "You can call me Chesty—I mean Chelsea." I gave him my best smile. You would have thought we were at a picnic. "Okay, Chelsea, you can call
a fair trade for someone who wasn't even circumcised. I've never understood why they don't circumcise men in European countries; most of them end up here, anyway. My little Don Juan's accent was sexy and thick. At times, his words were barely decipherable. But this may also have been due to my failing eardrums, which were aligning with my failing liver, which was, no doubt, wondering why I had to keep torturing it. "Liver," I would say, "you only live once, or at least I do, and you should be
shut. "We'll meet you there," I said. He was very cute and I was elated. It turned out that, after all, showers would be necessary. "Let's go get ready," I told Dumb Dumb. She was more excited than a chimpanzee holding a banana. "Oh, my gosh! This is amazing! Do you think his friends will be cute too? What should I wear? I'm so excited. I hope there's dancing." I hoped there wasn't dancing, but I wasn't going to let that spoil my only chance of a hookup on New Year's. This would be my third